Familial Chaos
by xXxAnGeLFLoNnExXx
Summary: Ever wondered on how Kuroko can keep a straight face at all times? He never reacts; not when Kise glomped him, not when Momoi buried his face in her chest, not even when he saw Alex naked! The answer? Take a look at his family. Hints of Kuroko harem. Now a two-shot.
1. The Kuroko Family

**I've been in a writing slump lately (for my multi-chapter ones, at least) so I've decided to pour all the plot bunnies in my head into one-shots so I can continue my next updates.**

**So much fics, so little time. For those who are interested in/following my other fics, here are the current progresses for each one. The ones with the asteris are new stories.**

Changing our Future **- 20%**

Blue and White, Intertwined **- 15%**

Clockworks **- 76%**

The Destroyed Destroyer* (DGM) **- 50%**

A Bachelor's Tale* (KHR) - **30%**

Fated* (KagaKuro) - **25%**

Lost Chance* (No pairings)** - 46%**

Those Who Should Meet, Will Meet* (No pairings)** - 32%**

Lightless Shadow* (KiKuro) - **63%**

Aquarius* (MidoKuro) - **8%**

Kurokoholic* (Kuroko's fanclub) - **22%**

**This is the first fic I've finished among my one-shots/updates. I actually plan on writing fics for all pairings in GoM x Kuroko, along with Kagami and Ogiwara. I still haven't thought of a one-shot for MuraKuro, AoKuro, and OgiKuro. This has no pairings, but there are hints of Kuroko harem.**

**R & R.**

**Enjoy~!**

* * *

Kuroko rubbed his eyes as he sat up, blurry eyes peering at his surroundings. He glanced at his alarm clock.

3:00 am.

He yawned silently.

It seems that he couldn't sleep well, feeling what Kagami experienced when he learned they were going to play against a member of the Generation of Miracles. The bluenet couldn't sleep peacefully, for the notion of playing against Rakuzan—especially Akashi—made him a bit antsy. You couldn't blame the phantom player, because that afternoon would be the championship match between Seirin and Rakuzan.

As he was thinking deeply about what would transpire later on, the door slammed open and in came a tall, burly man with unruly black hair and bright gray eyes (and that's where Kuroko got his infamous bed hair). He wore a sleeveless white shirt and baggy cargo pants. The man had a big grin on his face—

"Rise and shine, Tet-kun. It's time for breakfast!" —and he also had a very, very loud voice. Kuroko inwardly pouted at the unfairness of it all; why didn't he inherit the other's giant genes? The rest of his family were taller than him, too!

"Good morning, Dad," He greeted back, standing up and fixing his head. His father guffawed before slapping him on his back, _hard_.

"Let's hurry before your sisters finish everything!" And he left the room, still laughing. The bluenet trailed afterwards.

* * *

"Kotetsu, Tsuya," A petite blue-haired woman with matching eyes and a pokerface greeted them. She had a frilly apron, yellow turtleneck shirt, and a brown pleated skirt. All in all, she appeared to be a female version of Kuroko.

The laughing man, Kotetsu, sat beside her and dug in. As he chewed on an tamagoyaki, he grinned heartily and complimented his wife's cooking. "As usual, your cooking is of a goddess, Yanami!" She simply nodded at him and continued to eat.

Beside Yanami was a sweet old lady with stark white hair and gray eyes. She donned a plain black shirt and dark green skirt way past her knees.

On the other side of the table were three chairs. The first seat was occupied by a girl with long black hair and gray eyes. She had a bright grin on her face that mirrored Kotetsu's, and was wearing a white dress shirt and a skirt underneath her long purple jacket. The second seat was used by a girl who looked exactly like the previous one, but with blue eyes and glasses. Unlike the other, she only wore a black lacy bra and a pair of short shorts. Both girls had _very_ large assets, opposed to their flat-chested mother. The last seat was unoccupied.

"Tet-nyan, sit beside me. I'll take Mina-pon's chair~!" The first girl exclaimed, trying to push her look-alike to the last seat. She was also loud and boisterous. It was like she was a female version of Kotetsu.

The other immediately protested. "No fair, Mitsu. I want to sit beside Tet-chan, too." She was calm, but her voice held a deadly tone.

"Haha! Our twins are as lively as ever, neh, Yanami?"

"Kids these days sure have a lot of energy," The old woman exclaimed.

Kuroko still had a deadpanned expression. "Mitsu-nee, stop pushing Mina-nee. Mina-nee, please put a shirt on."

"Mou, but I wanna sit with you rather than Mina-wanwan!" The gray-eyed girl shouted.

"Meh, it's too hot. Besides, I just want everyone to know I'm prettier than Mitsu-baabaa," The blue-eyed girl replied.

The pair glared daggers at each other. Everyone on the table sighed, with the exception of their father, who simply guffawed and continued to spill food from his mouth as he talked.

"Mitsuko, Minako, keep quiet and eat. Tetsuya, just sit down. Kotetsu, don't talk with your mouth full." Their father gulped at the sight of his wife's darkening eyes. An angry Yanami was a scary Yanami. The twins pouted at their ever stoic mother—since she only called her kids by their full names when irritated or pissed off—and silently agreed that their youngest would sit between them. When Kuroko sat down, his older sisters' arms instantly linked with his.

Mitsuko was the first to move. "Say 'ahh', Tet-nyan!" She held her chopsticks towards the bluenet's mouth. Minako yanked the only son out of her grasp. "I get to feed Tet-chan!"

"No, me!"

"_Mitsuko, Minako…_"

"Sorry, Mom," The twins chorused. They continued to eat their tamagoyaki, hotdogs, and bacon. Eventually, all six of them grabbed a carton of milk from the fridge. However, the milk only did wonders for the others except Kuroko. He was the shortest out of them.

And so was the typical Kuroko family morning.

Believe me, it's worse during lunch and dinner.

* * *

"Oi, Mitsu-chan, Mina-chan! Better look out for Tet-kun, alright?!" Their father yelled, a few inches away from them.

"I won't let any semes deflower my uke brother and—" She continued to talk about all the things that perverts can do to Kuroko. The bluenet paled slightly, but still kept a straight face on.

"None of the wolves would get him because I'm the one who'll they have sex with—" Minako was no better.

"Bye, Dad," Kuroko interrupted before pulling his sisters away. If he let them prattle on, they would be late for school.

Mitsuko bounced happily out of the house, clutching her book bag and ready to go to college. Minako, who was also headed towards the same destination, thankfully had a blouse on and a pair of fitted black slacks; but the first three buttons of her blouse was open, her cleavage exposed.

"And then Rivaille-heichou, smiled. He smiled! I actually felt that was his rape face on, ready to take Eren and screw him on the bed!"

The first twin continued to babble about anime and her favorite pairings, especially on how 'Haru wanted to jack-off in the water with his swimming bitches' and something along the lines of 'hot, passionate man-sex'. Kuroko, of course, was used to his sister's hobby-slash-interest: Yaoi. He had long been traumatized by it so he was sort of immune to it by now. That didn't mean he was okay with finding her secret stash of BL manga all around the house when he was cleaning, though.

"You shouldn't talk about that in the open. Everyone's staring at us." True, the bystanders were gawking incredulously at the die-hard fujoshi and her siblings.

"It's okay. Yaoi is my passion! Yaoi is the food of my soul!" She declared with a glowing face. "Yaoi shall rule the world!" And the crowd felt awkward with the girl shouting out her dirty hobbies. Honestly, it was hard to take in that she was the _eldest_ child, only a couple of minutes older than her twin.

Meanwhile, the younger twin lazily listened to the other's stories and sighed. "Mitsu certainly is livelier than usual." She turned to their youngest. "Tet-chan, better introduce us to your team someday. I want to know if there are good-looking guys I can flirt with."

"Nee-san, you shouldn't play around with my teammates."

"But boys my age are no fun anymore," She whined.

"Neh, Mina-pon. I want to write an M-rated MakoHaru story, but I wanna make a Haru x mackerel one, too!" Mitsuko grabbed her twin's shoulders and shook her profusely. "What do I do?!"

"Why not do both?" Minako drawled. "Haru can eat mackerel on Makoto's body."

"What about Gou? Water? And Nagisa, Rin, and Rei?"

"Gou can be the matchmaker. Makoto and Haru can do it while they're on the pool. The other three can watch them and—" All the other things she said were too much for a T-rated fanfic.

Mitsuko had sparkles in her eyes. "You're a genius, Mina-pon!"

"Heh, you know me."

Kuroko silently stood in the background, wondering why his sisters were like this. They may have different interests, since Mitsuko was a fujoshi and Minako was too liberated for her own good, but when it comes to M-rated stuff, they get along.

He sighed and used his misdirection to get to Seirin. God knows how broken he'll be once he hears more of his sisters' endeavors.

And he definitely didn't want to know on how 'badass ukes can get it on'.

* * *

Seirin won against Rakuzan in the championship.

"It seems that I was wrong and you were right," Akashi started. "Congratulations, Tetsuya."

Kuroko nodded at him. The redhead's smirk was gentler and less malicious than usual. "But remember, this doesn't mean Seirin will have the throne for good. We will reclaim it next year."

"I will look forward to it, Akashi-kun."

The other players of Seirin and Rakuzan smiled.

Nebuya sneered fakely at their opponents. "Here that, Seirin? We'll crush you next time!"

Hyuuga grinned good-naturedly at him. "Heh, let's just see you try!"

Kuroko looked around and his eyes became downcast, disappointed that none of his family were around to see their team's win. _'They're not here again this year, huh.'_

Since his parents were always out on work while his sisters were in Tokyo Uni, they never made it to any of his matches. Back in Teiko, his parents were on constant business trips and the twins were busy with high school. Sanae, their grandmother and Kotetsu's mother, was watching the flower shop as usual.

He watched in envy as everyone else's family were here to attend: Riko's dad; Kagami and Himuro's teacher Alex; Mitobe, Koganei, Izuki, and Hyuuga's families; Kiyoshi's grandparents; hell, even Tsuchida's girlfriend was here!

Kagami noticed his shadow's distress. "Oi, something up, Kuroko?" His sudden outburst caught the other people's attention. The rest of Seirin along with the teams that came to watch the match became quiet; everyone's focus was on the phantom player.

"It's nothing, Kagami-kun."

"Ehh, Kurokocchi has a problem?" The blond Ace of Kaijo interrupted. He faced his former instructor and glomped him. "You can tell us!"

"But Kise-kun, I—"

"Ah, Kise!" Kagami yelled in surprise. Where did the blond model come from?

Touou's Ace was also there. "Tetsu, stop resisting and say it." He casually slung an arm around the bluenet's petite frame.

"You too, Ahomine?!"

"Zip it, Bakagami!"

"It's really nothing, Aomine-kun."

A pink blur tackled his side and clung to his arm before crushing his face in her chest. "Tetsu-kun, you can trust us."

"Kuroko, it's not okay… not that I'm worried or anything."

"Shin-chan's such a tsundere!"

"Shut up, Takao."

"Kuro-chin shouldn't bottle everything up." The giant ducked a bit to share some of his vanilla-flavored snacks.

"Ah, Murasakibara-kun."

"Even Momoi, Midorima and Murasakibara, huh. Are the Generation of Miracles a bunch of mushrooms?" The tall red-haired player asked his upperclassman. Kiyoshi scratched the back of his head. "I have no idea." A pair of scissors swooshed past them and the pair froze in their spots.

"Tetsuya, don't be stubborn. You're also emitting vibes." It was true. A depressed aura emanated from the bluenet despite his pokerface. The Miracles continued to gang up on the emotionless teal-haired male. He still won't budge.

"Fine." They instantly backed away from the phantom player. "It's because my—"

"Tet-nyan!"

A black blur went through and tackled the shorter teen to the ground. Kuroko found himself being suffocated by a soft chest. The person on top of him kept talking gibberish. Meanwhile, everyone else stared dumbfoundedly as a girl crushed the other. They also noticed the female's assets.

"I can't breathe. Please get off."

"Oh, whoopsie!" The girl scrambled away and pulled him up, only to hug him tightly and rub her cheeks on his. "I'm sorry that we're late. The gym was jampacked so we couldn't find seats!"

"It's fine. And 'we'?"

Mitsuko nodded and she yelled. "Mina-pon, I found Tet-nyan!"

Another black blur came and took Kuroko out of the older twin's grasp. She spun him around while her exposed cleavage rubbed on his head. "Tet-chan, your play was wonderful!" The ravenette stopped hugging him and grabbed his jersey's neckline. "You deserve a reward."

Minako kissed him square on the lips.

Everyone went jaw-slacked. Momoi screeched in horror as she watched her crush lose his first kiss to another woman. Aomine was dumbfounded at the sight of a woman with Horikita Mai's body. He couldn't decide if he should be envy of the woman for being so close with his former partner or of Kuroko who was so intimate with a well-endowed female.

Maybe both.

The rest cried at the unfairness of it all. Why were all the pretty and sexy girls drawn to the unnoticeable player? First it was Momoi, now these two, as well?!

When she released him, all hell broke loose.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. Kuroko, is she your… girlfriend?"

"He has two girlfriends, Kagami!"

"Kurokocchi's innocence is tainted, waaaahhhh!"

"Noooo, Tetsu-kun's first kiss… gone!"

"She's so my type."

"Uhh…"

"Shin-chan, are you okay?"

"Ah, Kuro-chin. What should we do, Aka-chin?"

Akashi handled the situation. He took a step forward. "Tetsuya, explain."

The bluenet removed himself from his sisters' monster grips and stared at the twins. "You two, please don't do those things. They are misunderstanding the situation."

Mitsuko was the first to react. "Whhhhyyyyy? We promised Dad that we'll protect you from the vile hands of the semes." She eyed the other players. "And I see that you also have taste, I approve!"

"Heh, I expected a lot more from high schoolers." Minako's eyes landed on Kasamatsu and Kagami. "But they don't disappoint in the build department, at least."

"Wait," Riko flailed her arms. "Kuroko, who are these girls?"

"They're my sisters."

Silence.

_1…_

_2…_

_3…_

_**"EHHH?!"**_

* * *

"So you're saying that you were waiting for them?"

Kuroko nodded. Riko sighed, feeling an upcoming headache.

"You were also looking for your family in the crowd?"

He nodded again.

"But why did they do those things? We actually thought you were dating or something."

"Mitsu-nee and Mina-nee are normally overprotective and possessive. They do not approve of me dating anyone."

Kagami snorted. Wasn't that supposed to be the other way around? And the other girl reminded him a lot of Alex, especially when she's prancing around their house naked.

"So what are your names?" The brunette coach turned to the twins.

The older twin placed her hands on her hips and grinned brightly. "Resident fujoshi, Kuroko Mitsuko!"

"The name's Kuroko Minako." The blue-eyed girl winked at the boys whose face flushed immediately. She rolled her eyes boredly. "Too easy."

Mitsuko latched herself onto Kuroko again. "Mou, Tet-nyan. Why didn't you tell me you had good-looking teammates earlier?" She had crocodile tears streaming down her face as the boys felt their faces heat up at her comment. "Then I would've been able to draw a doujinshi of you and them just like what I did during your Teiko days with those Miracle guys!"

Her cries became louder. "I'm soooo proud of my little brother gaining a harem! Look, Mina-pon, all of them— Tet-nyan's bitches!"

Their faces were still red, but now in embarrassment.

_**"WHO'RE TET-KUN'S BITCHES?!"**_

The trio gulped, but Kuroko still kept a straight face. A man with an intimidating demeanor towered above them. Heck, he was about as tall as Murasakibara!

His black hair shadowed his gray eyes as his arms were flanked by two women: one was Yanami, Kuroko's mom, and the other was Sanae. "Tell me, Mitsu-chan, Mina-chan. Who, pray tell, are the wolves that are trying to get my cute little son?" His voice was loud, but dangerous.

"Err…" She sweatdropped. Mitsuko has no idea what to answer. Minako was glued to her spot. The rest didn't say anything in fear of receiving the man's wrath.

"Ah, Dad. It's just a misunderstanding," The short teen calmly answered. They all wondered on how his dad could be so tall, and how he could be so small. Kuroko turned to them. "Right, everyone?"

They nodded profusely.

Out of the blue, sparkles and flowers appeared in the background as his father's frown turned into a huge grin. "Well, that's good to hear! I'm Kuroko Kotetsu. This is my wife, Yanami," He gestured towards the bluenette on his right. He pointed towards the old lady. "And this is my mom, Kuroko Sanae. Gyahahaha!" He laughed boisterously. They sweatdropped.

Kuroko bowed towards the other women. "It's nice that you can come, Mom, Sanae-baa-chan."

The sweet old lady simply chuckled and patted his head (even she was taller than him by a few inches). His mom kept a pokerface on. "Of course, Tsuya. This is your biggest match yet. We wouldn't want to miss it."

With Kuroko and Yanami standing beside each other, there's no doubt that the only thing that the bluenet inherited from his father was his gender. Mitsuko got everything from their dad and Minako had gotten a mix between the two.

"Ooh, ooh, Tet-nyan!" Mitsuko skipped around them. "I've finished reading the latest chapter of Crimson Spell and they were sooo hot! The seme licked him on his—" She continued her story about an M-rated BL manga.

Minako pitched in. "That's so overrated. He should've sucked on his—"

Kotetsu had slung an arm on Aomine and Kagami. "You guys are Power Forwards, right? When I was your age, I—" They had a lovely, manly talk. Akashi was constantly trying to impress him, and hopefully ask for Kuroko's hand in marriage (or dating, at the very least).

Sanae swapped recipes with Riko. "You should add milk to that concoction of yours, deary. Milk does the body good. Milk makes you taller. Milk makes your bones stronger."

"I see, I see. Then that means I should add lemons and more vitamins, too." The Seirin team feared for the next dish-slash-drink that the brunette would make for them. They can already picture the moment they puke and (possibly) die of food poisoning.

…And now they also knew where Kuroko's vanilla milkshake frenzy came from.

The other Miracles tried to placate a depressed Momoi who was still out of it because of the kiss. She was kneeling on the ground. "Tetsu-kun's precious first kiss… his first kiss…"

Takao was sulking, too.

"Shin-chan's ignoring meeeeee…"

The rest were sadly forgotten.

"So what now?" Kaijo's captain queried.

Himuro answered. "I have no idea, Kasamatsu-san."

* * *

**And that's a wrap!**

**This is the complete list of the Kuroko family (I made it up, obviously): **

Kuroko Kotetsu, age 43 (Father, Black hair/Gray eyes).

Kuroko Yanami, age 42 (Mother, Blue hair/Blue eyes).

Kuroko Sanae, age 68 (Kotetsu's mother, White hair/Gray eyes).

Kuroko Mitsuko, age 19 (Eldest, Black hair/Gray eyes).

Kuroko Minako, age 19 (Middle child, Black hair/Blue eyes).

Kuroko Tetsuya, age 16 (Youngest, Blue hair/Blue eyes).

**Did you enjoy it? I had a field day with Mitsuko's fangirl personality. Well, I better go now, I still have other stories to write. :3**

**Ciao ciao~! -Flonne.**


	2. Papa Bear is for Tet-kun only

**I was suddenly hit by plot bunnies to write a part two for this story. This was done under the request for more interaction.**

**Let's face it, crack humor is inevitable when you have a family who may or may not belong to a mental hospital and a mother who doesn't seem to care about what's happening.**

**Reply to Kuro-Inazumi: **Hey, why not? I'm in need of fangirls with colorful personalities here~!

**Just to clear it up, 'bluenet' is a boy and 'bluenette' is a girl. I will use both terms to describe Yanami and Kuroko from time to time.**

**Oh, did anyone notice that the kids' names are anagrams of their parents?**

**R & R.**

**Enjoy~!**

* * *

Mitsuko and Minako cooed as Kuroko came home, bringing in two Retrieve puppies with him. One was a Golden Retriever, the other was a Labrador Retriever. Both puppies had Kuroko's eyes, just like Nigou.

"Aww, Tet-nyan's like the mama of the pups!" The eldest squealed. "What should we name them?"

"How about Tetsuya Sangou and Shigou?" Minako piped up. Her twin nodded vigorously.

"Now that's settled, what should we do with them? I couldn't just leave them out in the rain," Kuroko explained.

"Dad's a big softy with these fellas and Obaa-chan's no problem. The only obstacle would be… Mom." The two girls gulped. Their mother was _not_ a dog-person, or an animal-person in general. When Nigou arrived in their lives, it took them an entire week and bribing to convince the lady.

"And what about me?" The twins jumped in shock while the bluenet had no reaction. He was able to detect their mother at all times because she shared the same amount of presence as he did. He inherited it from her, after all.

The male stared at his mother, giving her his droopy puppy-eyes. The two pups did the same, and so did Nigou, who had arrived with the teal-haired woman.

Yanami sighed. There was no way around this. "Give them a bath. They're filthy. Better teach them some manners, too."

When she left the doorway, the three immediately perked up.

* * *

Kotetsu was reading his newspaper.

"Dad, Mina-pon's bringing a boyfriend over," Mitsuko announced as she skipped merrily around the room.

"Ah, okay." He flips a page.

"That's it?"

Oh, so the storm was leaving Japan's area of responsibility. And Japan's national team was sweeping through the official NFL tournament with their winning streak. "That's it."

"But Daaaaad, she pulled off a Haruhi on this guy! He might be a total jerk for all we know!"

Another flip of the page. Aww, his favorite Baseball team lost? That's sad. "What 'Haruhi'?"

In that moment, he took a sip of his warm mug of milk. "They met after Mina-pon accidentally knocked over their precious vase! Is that really love? I think it's just infatuation." She averted her eyes and murmured. "I wouldn't mind if Mina-pon was Tet-nyan, though."

The black-haired man spat out his drink. "Mina-chan did that?!"

Mitsuko was fully expecting that her father was out to get the guy. She was worried for her twin. And how the heck did she break someone else's property during classes? Did the guy bring his vase as a lucky item like a creeper or something?

"How much are we going to pay for the vase?" The ravenette collapsed on the floor anime-style. _That_ was what he was worried about?!

"She went out with him instead of paying for it." Kotetsu visibly relaxed. "What? No Papa Bear on the guy?"

"Nah. Papa Bear is for Tet-kun only."

* * *

A week later…

"EXTREEEEEMEEEE!"

A loud voice boomed inside the Kuroko household. Yanami gave her eldest a pointed stare. The ravenette held out her hands in surrender. "What? Why are you looking at me like that?"

"Mitsu, the only time your father does some silly things is when you're involved. What did you do?"

"I didn't do anything, Mom! It could be Mina-pon or… or Tet-nyan!"

"You're honestly convincing me that your _brother_ had something to do with his silliness?"

At that moment, Kotetsu barged in the kitchen, headed straight for the refrigerator, and took a carton of milk. He closed it with a loud slam and gulped his drink in one go. The man glanced at his wife (who still had her trademark pokerface on) and grinned goofily at his daughter (who shook her head and gestured for her dad to shut up. He clearly didn't get the message).

"Mitsu, thanks for EXTREMELY letting me watch your anime! I have found yet another EXTREME way of life!" He crossed his arms. "A real man never turns! Gahahaha!" The black-haired man proceeded to walk through the wall (which was directly in front of him), trying to leave the kitchen. He pounded his fists onto the concrete. "It worked with Ryohei, why didn't it work here?!"

Yanami gave her _the_ all-knowing gaze. "Care to give an explanation?"

Mitsuko facepalmed.

* * *

"Tet-nyan."

"No."

"Tet-nyaaaaan."

"Still no."

"Mouuuuu…" Mitsuko was currently latched onto her younger brother's leg. Minako watched on, completely amused. The older twin continued to pout and whine as Kuroko tried to endure his sister's complaints.

"No means no, Mitsu-nee."

She had fake tears rolling down her face. "But… but why? There's nothing wrong with going to Comiket!"

Kuroko sighed. It was like this. _Every. Damn. Year_. How many times did he have to remind her of the disasters he faced when she managed to drag him there? "None at all. With you? Yes." The eldest continued to pout and turned to stare at the middle child. The younger twin sighed before patting the bluenet on the head.

"Why not? I heard they were selling limited edition doujinshi for some fandom and it's a one of a lifetime opportunity for a die-hard fan like Mitsu." The teal-haired teen's eye slightly twitched at that. There was probably another reason for it— "I'm also looking forward to seeing you crossdress!" _That's more like it._

There really was nothing wrong with going to Comiket, but Kuroko's previous experiences were all but pleasant. And he went around buying BL mangas and doujinshi. In a skirt. In the middle of the crowd with perverts and fangirls taking pictures of him. Hell, one actually had the gall to flip his skirt! No worries, his sisters—or at least Mina did, Mitsu actually cheered the offender on—beated him into a pulp. However, there are no words to describe on what their _father_ did with the man. Poor guy.

"So which one would Tet-chan wear?" Minako inquired. In a flash, Mitsuko stormed upstairs and returned with a maid outfit in her arms. Did I mention the fact that it was a _nekomimi_ type? It even had a matching bell, cat ears, and a tail! If Kuroko was not Kuroko, his face would've scrunched up in discomfort.

He would not be subjected to more humiliation, thank you very much.

"That's what Tet-kun's going to wear on your little trip?" Kotetsu butted in. He eyed the outfit warily. The outfit was too frilly and monochromatic for his liking. Honestly, were black and white the only colors to use on maid outfits? _'How tasteless.'_

He didn't even worry about the fact that his _son_ was going to wear a _skimpy_ attire in _public_.

What a supportive father (to his daughters, at least).

Yanami, who overheard the conversation, didn't bother to point that out. In her eyes, Kuroko was perfectly old enough to protect himself from perverts-slash-pedophiles. His Ignite Pass (and the upgraded version) wasn't just for show, after all. He could use that to punch their face in (or he could just kick them where the sun doesn't shine. Either works).

"Yes! Don't you think he'll be soooo cute?" Mitsuko managed to force her little brother to wear the costume. Minako was busy taking pictures. "C'mon, Tet-chan. Lift the skirt a bit for some fanservice here."

"No."

"If I were you, I'd be leaving a trail of blood with that maid outfit. Boys would kneel and drool over my sexy body."

That wasn't the main concern here. "I'm not you, Mina-nee." He saw the conspiratorial glint in both of his sisters' eyes. "And no, you can't sell my pictures to pay for your college fees."

"Aww, that's too bad."

The black-haired man grabbed his son by his shoulders. "I'm sure a lot of girls would run up to you and ask you to bear their children! Let us show how adorable you are to the world!"

"Dad, wait—"

The bluenet stared at him more blankly than usual. Kotetsu ran out of the house, pulling on his son's arm and pushed him out of the house. On normal circumstances, the phantom player would be unnoticeable with his non-existent presence. Unfortunately, his father was an eye-catcher with his overbearing personality (add the fact that he was wearing a maid uniform) so he was also seen.

"Hey, everyone!" People turned to stare their way. "Isn't my son precious?! I'm EXTREMELY proud of him!" He cried waterfalls as his son awkwardly patted him on the back and unconsciously scratched on his thighs. The nekomimi thing was itchy.

Mitsuko's squeals went up an octave. Minako possessively hugged Kuroko from behind.

The bluenette watched quietly from the window while her mother-in-law calmly sipped her tea as if the entire exchange was a normal occurrence. Yanami glanced at Sanae. "Remind me why I married your son again?"

"Because he's strong, talented, and handsome?"

"…"

She gazed at the old woman impassively. The senior held up. Oh well, she tried. "Because he shares your unhealthy obsession on milk?"

"I thought so."

And they said that Mama Kuroko was the most normal out of the bunch.

* * *

In the end, Kuroko remained wearing the maid outfit. Minako wore tight leather pants, a whip on her belt, and an open white jacket; showing off her assets. The men were drooling. Meanwhile, Mitsuko cosplayed as Mikasa Ackerman. It would've been perfect (she also had the fictional girl's height) if it weren't for her jolly and overbearing personality. It was like Mikasa had a 180-degree attitude flip.

He inwardly sighed for the umpteenth time that day as his sisters dragged him around Comiket. Minako kept flirting with the nerdy otakus. Mitsuko was bouncing up and down happily as she blabbered on and on about anime. She was even worse than Kise on a good day.

"Ooh, ooh! I'm gonna check on those plushies there so watch over Mina-pon~!"

"She's not a dog, Mitsu-nee."

"Might as well be with how she's trailing after those guys." She pointed towards her twin, who was not so subtly following a group of boys. A flash of recognition appeared in Kuroko's eyes as he realized on who the group was. It was Kagami… and some of his Teiko teammates. Akashi seemed to be missing, while Momoi and Riko were leading the entire group. They were probably at Comiket to buy the latest volume of the popular Basketball manga 'Kurodo no Basuke'.

Since when did they start to hang out together?

Now that he thought of it, Momoi and Riko probably had plans to go together. The pink-haired manager dragged Aomine along, and Kagami overheard their coach. On the way, Momoi asked for Kise's help to convince Aomine, the blond asked for Midorima, the green-haired occultist called Akashi to keep the model away from him, and Murasakibara tagged along. Kuroko inwardly gave himself a pat on the back for inheriting his mother's exceptional observation skills.

Great.

The bluenet grabbed Mitsuko's hands and pulled her away. As he was doing that, the ravenette's gray eyes widened. "Hey, weren't those your friends? How come Mina-pon didn't see that? Scratch that, it's totally understandable for her not to recognize them."

For all her intelligence (she's at the top of their batch), Minako had a hard time remembering faces.

Kuroko was about to slip away when Mitsuko had dragged her twin back to them. "Mina-pon, stay with Tet-nyan. I need to buy more doujinshi!"

"Whatever you say." She sighed. "Let's go look around. Mitsu-baabaa just ruined my chances of messing with those high schoolers." The teen agreed in a heartbeat. There was no way he would show his face to _anyone_ (but his family) while he was crossdressing.

The pair stopped in front of a random stall. Minako swept through the numerous yaoi, yuri, and even _hentai_ mangas. There were also some doujinshi that she saw from her older twin's bedroom. Her eyes stayed on one of them. "Neh, look. Isn't that Rise Kouta and Gazaki Yuuhei from your favorite manga?"

The shorter teen took a peek at the book, having the suspicion that it was an R-18 artwork. Well, the whole topless image of two boys suggestively close to each other gave it away. He nodded absentmindedly, looking through the other merchandise that didn't involve nude people, kinks, or both.

The blue-eyed ravenette swiftly flipped the pages until her face lit up at one of them. "Wow, I had no idea that they could use _toothpicks_ for these kind of things. I want to buy one and—"

Kuroko ignored whatever fantasies his sister had in mind. He really didn't want to know. She may not have been a fujoshi, but she was as damn well perverted as—if not more than—her older twin.

Half an hour passed and the eldest returned.

"I'm back~!" Mitsuko said in a sing-song manner. In her arms were a paperbag filled with books and magazines. She dug through the bag and took out a doujinshi with a _very_ familiar cover. "Lookie here! I told my best friend about you and your Basketball groupies. Now she created a circle that specializes in yaoi that involves you, Tet-nyan!"

Kuroko's nightmares have come to life.

They were now selling books of him and his former Teiko teammates having sex.

He reluctantly glanced inside the paperbag when she handed it to him. It was harder to keep his pokerface on after seeing them. Heck, even Kagami and Seirin were included! Do rumors even spread that fast? The bluenet stared at his sister with (begrudingly) new-found respect.

Fangirls were indeed a force to be feared.

"Tetsu-kun, is that you?"

His other nightmares came to life.

The phantom player hesitated for a second before turning around to face the inevitable.

There behind him was Momoi and the aforementioned group. The boys had their mouths agape as they gawked at another side of him that they have never seen before. Momoi squealed before tackling Kuroko to the ground, causing him to accidentally flash his panties (Mitsuko forced them on him) for the world to see.

Kuroko had to commend himself for being able to keep a straight face while this was all happening.

* * *

When the group had finally recomposed themselves, the pink-haired manager and his eldest sister started to bicker. Why?

It's all because of pairings, in the name of fandoms everywhere.

The rest of the group ignored them. The boys finally calmed down after seeing the bluenet in a maid outfit.

"Kurokocchi is sooo cute!" The blond tried to glomp him, but the phantom player sidestep in time to avoid the incoming impact. Kise accidentally tackled Aomine to the ground, which led to another fight. Midorima sighed at the sight. "How immature. Well, it's to be expected from you two."

"Midorimacchi's a meanie!"

"Bastard, come here and take my fist like a man!" The tanned male chased the blond-haired and green-haired players. Murasakibara and Akashi watched from the sidelines. The purple-haired giant looked down on their former captain as he munched on some chips. "Should we stop them, Aka-chin?"

"Don't bother, Atsushi." Akashi's eyes were fixated on Kuroko, who was conversing with his new light.

The taller redhead sighed as he saw the BL mangas and doujinshi on a nearby stand. He picked one up and his eyes widened at the sight. "Gah! Kuroko, there are very _sick_ people in the world! Is this Japan's infamous _'hentai'_?" He could only gape at the image of two boys having sex.

"I'm afraid this is much worse than that, Kagami-kun."

"Ooh, ooh! A yaoi couple in real life!" An amused vendor (who's a pre-adolescent girl, by the way) commented. "Tell me, do you guys roleplay H scenes? That's really, really _hot_." The girl emphasizes her point by pulling on her neckline a bit and fanning herself. Kagami's jaw dropped. How could a sweet, innocent girl (in his mind) say such things? And here he thought only boys could be perverted!

The PF jabbed his finger towards her. "Hey you, did you draw this?"

"Yes, sir!"

"Are your parents aware you make these kind of things? Sheesh, what is wrong with Japanese kids these days?!"

"They ship yaoi as well! And don't worry, Japanese kids are _very_ open about homosexuality." She wiggled her eyebrows suggestively.

Kuroko resisted the urge to facepalm, opting to retain his emotionless facade instead. Kagami _did_ facepalm.

* * *

Meanwhile...

"Don't kid with me. Tet-nyan's better off with one of his Basketball buddies!"

"Tetsu-kun is mine! Dai-chan and the others are to love each other!"

The girls' argument had escalated quickly. A lot of people lingered around to watch as two fangirls fight to the death(?) for their OTPs.

Momoi held 5 doujinshi volumes in her hand. One featured Akashi and Furihata, another was Aomine and Kagami, there was Kasamatsu and Kise, Midorima and Takao, along with Murasakibara and Himuro. The boys were horrified to see them (except for Kuroko; he sort of expected this).

Mitsuko held a Kuroko harem fanbook collection in hers, featuring all pairings of GoM x Kuroko (plus Kagami).

The pinkette glared challengingly at the other. "I don't care if you're Tetsu-kun's onee-chan! It's a given fact that AkaFuri, AoKaga, KasaKi, MidoTaka, and MuraHimu will win!"

The ravenette returned her glare with equal loathing. "Hah, what an amateur! It's obvious that Kuroko harem will top those side pairings, all hands down!" She directed her stare to the fangirls that were taking a video of their catfight. "Isn't that right?"

A deafening 'kya!' responded to her question.

"Did I hear you say Kuroko harem?" A familiar face weaved through the crowd. "I have a wide array of Kuroko seme material!" The teen waving a book with the naked bluenet on the cover, dominating over who seemed to be a flustered _Akashi_.

"Sempai?!" Aomine stared incredulously at the new arrival. Kuroko remained impassive, but was also curious to why he was in Comiket. Akashi did not anticipate his arrival whilst Murasakibara simply continued to munch on his snacks.

Midorima dropped his lucky item (a Pikachu plushie).

Kise was frozen in shock.

"Ah, it's Shuzo-san!"

"You've finally arrived, Nijimura-buchou!"

The Miracles stopped their antics to stare at him. Kagami was clueless as to whom the guy was. This was Nijimura Shuzo, Teiko's Basketball captain before Akashi. Behind Nijimura was a grinning Riko. She rolled her eyes as their dense tanned PF interrogated him. The brunette coach only knew him because they were in the same fanclub.

"Nijimura-buchou? What are they talking about, Sempai?"

"You see, I'm the president of Kanagawa district's yaoi fanclub. And I also support the Kuroko harem pairing! But I prefer him as the seme, though." He flashed them his rare toothy grin and a thumbs up. "Anyways, I've got lots of BL stuff here. I always go here every week to scout circles that specialize in them. It's pretty tricky, especially since the pairings were only introduced a year ago by Mitsuko-san and the Seirin ones were done just after the Winter Cup." The ravenette smiled innocently as everyone turned their attention to the aforementioned ravenette.

Minako sighed. Trust their eldest to do something like this.

"Wow, you really outdid yourself on these ones, Nijimura," Riko murmured. She skimmed through the slim volumes. "They have glassy covers and… _whoa_! You've got all sorts of kinks here."

"Coach, too?" Kagami muttered.

"B-But why Tetsu-kun paired with other boys? And why is he s-seme?" Momoi stuttered.

"I don't know," Nijimura shrugged. "There's just something extra hot with Kuroko raping others, I guess. My favorite pairing would be KuroAka."

"Who's he, Kuroko?" Kagami whispered.

"Shuzo-kun is a distant cousin on my mother's side. Back in Teiko, we discovered we were related on my graduation."

Mitsuko bounced happily. "Yo, dearest cousin of mine! Why seme on Akashi-san, though? Besides, isn't it better if Tet-nyan is the uke for all pairings?"

"That's because I admire Akashi, and there's nothing better than to see him crying and acting moe as Tetsuya-kun rapes him," Nijimura replied without missing a beat. The red-haired ex-captain paled at the words, but was too stunned to say anything in retaliation.

"You really are one of us, Niji-tan." Mitsuko cried tears of joy. "Spoken like a true fangirl!"

Kagami groaned. "Great, your cousin's a pervert, too. How can you put up with this everytime of your life?"

"Not a single day passes by without me asking that myself, Kagami-kun."

* * *

On the sidelines, Kotetsu had been following his three precious children. Yanami and Sanae tagged along to keep him in line. They were cosplaying as random Shinigami from Bleach. He saw that many boys lusted after his youngest. His 'Papa Bear' mode was activated.

"THIS IS EXTREMELY FRUSTRATING! WHY ARE PERVERTS DRAWN TO MY BABY BOY?!" He slightly deflates. "As if that Kise and Akashi weren't enough!"

The bluenette woman closed her eyes in thought. "You forgot the rest of the Miracles and Tsuya's new Basketball partner, dear."

"That's EXTREMELY not the point! And you mean that Aomine and Kagami are included too?" He looked accusingly at his family as he despaired. "Why did no one tell me?!"

"I thought it was rather obvious."

The black-haired man continued to bawl about how his son would be deflowered and other things. He had all rights to worry when his son has unconsciously made a harem throughout the years (especially when his older sister converted her fellow otaku into fujoshi).

And just when a lecherous man was about to flip his son's skirt (poor Kuroko), all hell broke loose.

"OI, THAT'S EXTREMELY NOT COOL!" Yanami regretted not being able to stop her daughter from letting her father watch Katekyo Hitman Reborn. Because of that, he had taken after Sasagawa Ryohei. In Mitsuko's defense, she tried to dissuade her father's disapproval on Kuroko's suitors by introducing him to the wonders of yaoi bit by bit. It didn't work.

It even backfired since her father became ten times louder and more annoying.

Sanae calmly sipped her cola as she observed the events, not bothering to lift a finger.

Some people just liked to watch the world burn.

* * *

That evening, the Miracles and Kagami stayed over the Kuroko household for dinner. Nijimura, Riko, and Momoi already went home. Kotetsu glared over them and secured that his son was sitting between him and his wife. He wiped his revolver ominously, making sure that the boys saw it. The air was thick and his presence was suffocating for Kuroko's (unofficial) suitors. The entire event passed in silence.

As revenge for shamelessly staring at his son, he released their three dogs on them. Only Kagami was terrified and ran with his tail between his legs. The others were amused that three cute little puppies were chasing them, but immediately got intimidated after learning that it was _Minako_ that trained them.

In spite of her flirtatious nature, she was overprotective of their youngest. Mitsuko was protective, too, but she was also the root of all yaoi pairings on Kuroko, so she didn't count.

"I wanted my cute son to have a beautiful wife! Why is this happening?" Kotetsu wailed to his mother. She rubbed circles on his back comfortingly. "Let's face reality, Ko-chan. Simply pretend that you have no son, just three daughters."

"Are you okay with that, Maman?" Sanae laughed heartily. "I actually wished for a gay grandson."

He gaped at her. Even his own mother?! "B-But what about Momoi-chan? She EXTREMELY got the hots for Tet-kun!"

Mitsuko joins in the conversation. "No way, Dad. That hag dissed my OTP!" She muttered curses under her breath and wished for the misfortune of our favorite pink-haired manager. Fujoshi sisters simply don't get along with their brother's _female_ potential lovers.

"You do realize I have no idea what you're talking about, right? And why is everyone against meeee?!" For a very tall man (as tall as Murasakibara), he was a big crybaby.

Yanami had a small, amused smile on her face. Barely noticeable, though. "I knew having only vegetables for dinner was a good idea." She patted her husband on his back. "You finally said something smart."

"You too, Yanami?!"

"Don't worry so much, Kotetsu. Mina is around to watch over him."

He calmed down. "I know, but I just can't help it. Anyways, why didn't you mention Mitsu-chan?"

"Dear, I don't trust her with Tsuya's chastity. She's the one pairing him with random boys, after all."

The black-haired man almost had a heart attack after hearing that.

* * *

**Omake:**

"Hey, Dad."

"What is it, Mina-chan?"

"You remember Mom's brother, right?"

"Yeah, what about him?"

"Mom drew a yaoi manga starring him."

It wasn't a surprise to him that Yanami was a closet fujoshi.

"What's that got to do with me?"

"She paired you up with Uncle Yuya. And many other guys, apparently."

Mitsuko, who was eavesdropping, squealed in delight.

Kotetsu fainted.

* * *

**I'm not gonna add any other chapters now! See ya, guys~~~~ :3**

**Ciao ciao~! -Flonne.**


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